Videl
The Doctor
Messages : 7633
Date d'inscription : 27/02/2010
Localisation : Belgique
 |  Sujet: Try {Skins} Sam 9 Oct - 12:20 | |
| Auteur : Ana
Sujet : Skins
Résumé : Effy and Freddie dated for a while, but something went wrong and Cook's the only one who can fix Effy now
Langue : Anglais He knew she was there. He could almost hear her breathing heavily, fighting the tears. He wouldn't deny it, it had been awkward to see her like that. All this time he had always seen through her, so he could tell there was a vulnerable, hurt child inside of her, but it had never come to the surface around him. She had been different lately but he had guessed it was because she was with Freddy. He had wanted to believe she was happy and that the blank expression she wore most of the time was just a cover-up for all the joy that ran through her veins now that she had actually got what she wanted. For months, Cook hadn't spoken to any of them. He hadn't even looked at any of them. He loved them both and wished for them all the happiness in the world but he wasn't a martyr. He wouldn't stand being around them or his love for one of them would end up taking over the other and he didn't want that to happen. Freds had always been a part of his life and if letting go of them would keep their link intact, then it had to be done. Effy wouldn't mind, as much as it hurt him, he was aware that she had only used him, and she loved Freddie, so she wouldn't really think about Cookie ever again.
That's what he had thought months ago but things are never what they appear to be, he had learned today. Something had gone wrong. She hadn't shown up at school all morning, neither had Freddie. After everyone had left, Cook had had to return to the classroom to pick up some stuff he had forgotten, but the door was locked. After a while, he knocked softly and called her name. It left a weird taste in his mouth, he hadn't said those four letters in such a long time.
"Effy."
"Go away."
"It's me. Cook" He pressed his ear to the door trying to catch every sound. She was definitely crying. He could almost sense her heartbeats. "Let me in, Effs."
"I said go away."
She had wanted to sound bitchy, careless but firm, but her voice wasn't paying attention to what she wanted. She could say whichever words she chose, but there was something inside her that wouldn't let her lie to Cook and it was coming through the broken sound her voice had turned into.
"What's wrong?"
He had been leaning on the door and he nearly fell down when she opened it.
"I just wanted to feel something"
Something inside Cook almost made him wince. She had always been broken, but she had always tried to keep it under her skin. Now, she was all over the place and he felt she had lost some war against something that was now claiming its prize. Silently, she locked the door one more time and they both sat on the floor, Effy holding her knees close to her chest. Something started to come to life in Cook's head. It had been Freddie. Of course, the twat had fucked up and now Effy was more of a mess than she usually was. He was going to kick that dickhead's ass and he was going to force him to go beg for forgiveness at Effy's feet, crawling on his knees. That bastard was about to learn he shouldn't have messed with Eff's heart, no matter what the fuck he’d done this time. Suddenly, Effy spoke, and the sound of her voice brought him back to Earth.
"Freddie said we were too young."
She wasn't looking at him, and he wasn't sure she was aware of him being there. She held her head down and her hair fell at both sides hiding her face away from him.
"Of course we're too young. But all this time... I believed I loved Freddie. I did. I was convinced that when I got him, I would be able to feel."
Cook wanted to smash his head against a wall for being an idiot and forcing himself to hear this. Thank god he had taken all those pills in the morning, otherwise he would have actually done it, the smashing.
"It felt the same as always. But I stayed with him because I knew the truth then, I'd lost the ability to love. And then it happened"
Her eyes were now fixated on him, burning a hole through his face. She was tired, he saw it all over her face, she wasn’t wearing any make-up and her eye bags were the only thing that had some color. Then she closed her eyes, and slowly let herself slide, until she was lying on the floor. She couldn’t bear the sight of him. Right now, all she wanted to do was disappear from the planet and never be seen again, but she couldn’t drown herself in pain when he was looking at her. She didn’t know why and she was never able to figure it out, all she knew was that she couldn’t let herself go if she met his eyes. It only took one glance to make her want to keep going. She hated it and still couldn’t help it. It was as if he was the only one who always wanted to see her go beyond her usual self, the only one who believed there was more to her than what she showed to the world, and definitely the only one who would always expect more from her. In his eyes she was better, better than him and better than she thought she could ever be. That was why she had hid from him all this time.
"Of course we can't keep it, I told him. Why would we? Back then, I didn't even doubt it. I wanted it to go away. Until one day... he kicked."
Cook couldn't possibly feel more disoriented and then he saw her hand reach for her belly, as she did her best to keep the tears from falling down. It all summed up suddenly. It seemed a bit surreal on his view but it made sense. Fredds had always been a douche bag, of course he’d manage to fuck up somehow.
"I felt something. It was weird, and I wouldn't have ever imagined I could love something that was inside me, but I did.”
He placed his hand upon hers and grabbed it tightly. Deep down, it wasn’t much of a shock to him. Sure, it wasn’t what any teenager would hope for, but he placed himself in Freddie’s shoes and he immediately knew he’d have acted differently. He’d have sworn and been pissed off for a while but it wouldn’t have taken him long to love what he had created. He was good at loving; it was just that he was shit at everything else. Then again, Freddie had probably acted like a jackass because a future baby would ruin his future plans. Cook didn’t have any future plans.
“To Freddie he was still an "it", something that could complicate his life. And then they left."
He looked at her, eyes shut and pursing her lips tightly, as in great pain.
"You're not alone, Effs. You have your friends. We'll all help you through this. And I'll go get that twat and he'll learn to love you both..."
"Stop it."
"I mean it! You'll see how easily I can convince him, I'll find him no matter where the fuck he's hiding..."
"STOP IT, COOK." Her eyes were wide open, now she wasn't even trying to stop the tears, and this messed up, shattered creature, so torn apart, seemed to Cook the most beautiful thing in the planet. "They left. Freddie went away, and I lost him."
He felt the hand beneath his own grasp the short dress as if she were to tore it apart and Cook felt a shudder through his entire body.
"I had to hate him. I needed to hate him, that would've made things a lot easier, but I loved him nonetheless, and now I've lost him."
Their eyes met for the first time, after avoiding each other for so long, and hers were so red and consumed that everything made sense to Cook at last. That last sentence had come out like a broken record, as something she’d told to herself a billion times now, and still didn’t buy it.
"I loved Tony, and he went away. I loved my parents, and they're gone too." The tears stopped as she simpered at Cook. "You're so lucky you don't care about anything. You don't love anything. That way you'll never feel pain."
And slowly, she closed her eyes once again, as she fainted. Cook took a long, deep breath, and reached for a cigarette inside his pocket. He lighted it, and he felt Effy's hand letting go of the dress and he knew she was completely gone for a long while now.
"It's all so fucked up."
He muttered and threw the cigarette away. He looked at her in silence for an instant, and then he realized he should take her home. He was about to get up when he felt her fingers closing around his. It didn’t matter how far he ran away, he always ended up next to her one way or another. |
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